In September, 1996 I had been in an emotionally abusive relationship for almost five years. On an ordinary September night, out of the blue, this relationship ended and he called me a useless bitch for the very last time.
We had broken up numerous times over the years but what was different about this time was that I did two things differently that I had never done before. These two things were the catalyst for transformation and set me on a journey which has lasted 20 years and will continue until my very last breath.
These two things were nothing complicated, anyone could have done them and I don’t know why I didn’t do them years before, but that is not what is important. What is important is that I did them that night and they were the key that unlocked the door to my freedom and to my healing.
What I did differently was that I stopped blaming him and took responsibility for where I was at. In that second I said to myself that it was my choices that got me to where I was today. I could have walked out a hundred times over the years and I never did.
See when we take responsibility, we take back our power. Blaming someone else actually saps our energy. The questions I used to ask myself were things like, “Why me?”, or “Why is he so horrible to me?”, “Why does he treat me this way, I don’t deserve this?”.
These are not empowering questions because they put us in a victim mentality. When we play the victim role someone else is always in a position of power over us.
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By taking ownership of where I was, I gained new ground. Now that doesn’t mean that suddenly how he treated me was ok. There were things he said and did to me that no conscious person would ever do or say to another human being.
But taking ownership helped me to feel like I had the power to make a choice now. Before I felt stuck, I felt like I didn’t have choices, but with that one little shift in perception, my world became a world of choice, I could stay or I could leave and with that choice came the power to walk out the door.
The other thing I did was that I asked the universe, “Is this all there is to life?”, because if it was, I didn’t want to play anymore. The answer that came back was a resounding, “No, there is so much more but you have to stop looking outside yourself for the answers, you will find the answers inside yourself”.
See, I was always looking for someone else to save me, something else to make life better. At that point I didn’t know what that message meant. ‘Look within’, but I felt that that was the answer I was looking for.
When that happened, my mind was open, I started attracting into my life the exact book I needed, or the perfect program or the person that would say the right thing to me at the right moment.
I was on a journey and that journey has been 20 years in the making and still going strong.
So now I want to hear from where, where in your life are you losing or have lost your power and how have you struggled with this or what ways have you risen up to overcome this?
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